Thursday, November 19, 2009

Silly Vampire.

Gather round, boys and girls. I just got back from watching the 9:00 am showing of New Moon, and you know what that means!

*Jules dusts off her movie soap box and climbs aboard.*

It's time for some good ol' movie reviewing!

Now, I wasn't originally intending to go see New Moon opening day. I was thinking I should wait until it came to the dollar movie, mainly so I didn't give any more of my pennies to support the Twilight Saga movie franchise. But, then I did a little checking on, and saw that New Moon got a whopping 29%. (That number has gone up a bit now, I see. I guess the midnight-showing people must have gotten online and boosted the ratings since last night.) Twilight, which was a horrible film, got a 49% on the same website.

Do the math. New Moon has a 20% lower percentage, which means that it has a 73% chance of making me laugh 43% more than Twilight did. Or it could just suck. Hard.

That's why it's better to go to an early bird showing and get a discount, right? Right.

How about I break it down into a pros and cons type of list, hmmm?

  • They got someone else to do the music, (Alexandre Desplat, who has done some good stuff with Golden Compass and Curious Case of Benjamin Button) and this really helped. My ears weren't assaulted by a constant drone of cheesy, over-dramatic 1980's electric guitar music. Instead, they got to listen to over-dramatic string music. And I am perfectly fine with that.
  • There was plenty of this in the movie:

  • Robert Pattinson wasn't in half the movie. Hooray!
  • Robert Pattinson was in half the movie. Boo! That meant you got to see a lot of this:

I'm having a hard time understanding why the producers decided that Edward Cullen, the vampire with the body that is supposedly chiseled out of marble, needed to keep his chest hair, while Jacob, the werewolf, got to be hairless. *Shrug*
  • Unfortunately, Kristen Stewart was in the whole movie. Of course, this could be a pro, if you're into that whole awkwardly delivering lines in a slow monotone voice thing. I'm just the type of person who appreciates good acting. Call me crazy.
Well, I'll stop now. But, I am going to leave you with the best New Moon spoof I've seen. Please watch the trailer first (which, coincidentally, is all you'll need to see to get the gist of New Moon), and then watch the spoof. It's great.


Kim said...

Roberts's abs look painted, do they not? Whereas Taylor's just look delicious. I look forward to staring at some werewolf abs tomorrow morning.


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