Saturday, December 21, 2013

Moving to a new internet location....

Just in case any of you out there are still reading this, I just decided to start a new blog.  Just because.  So, travel over and have a look!

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

My Cure for Whining (May Involve Extinct Animals)

Sometimes a person must return to her roots, and that's what today is all about--returning to the core values upon which A Hermit's Ranting Tantrum was built.  So, let's get started with some good old-fashioned ranting.

Today's Rant:  The Generation of Weaklings

Even though I like to call myself a hermit, I'm not a real one.  I, unfortunately, have to exit my cave every day and associate with other members of the human race.  I assume that you are like me.  (If not, I'm impressed that you found a cave that can support an internet connection.)  Since you, like me, are out there spending time among the general public, you may have noticed something:  We belong to a species of whiners.

I wonder if the ancient creators of language would be proud of the way we use their invention.  When Orgthag first decided to point at a rock and say, "UGG!"* I don't think he was aware that he had created a wonderful tool that would enable humans to communicate with each other and, most importantly, bitch about  how slowly that cat video is loading on our iPhone. * UGG may not have been the first word created.  

But how could Orgthag have known about the sorts of things we would be dealing with in the 2000s?  Sure, he had to hunt for his food, kill it, skin it, and eat it raw (if it were a good day).  But come on!  We have to wait in the drive-thru for FIFTEEN MINUTES sometimes, just to get a burger.  Orgthag had to battle creatures and elements, just to maintain his base existence.  That may have been slightly inconvenient, but did Orgthag ever have to get up off the couch and change the temperature on the thermostat?  No.  Did he ever have to call the power company or the cable company and sit on hold, just so he could see more characters get killed off on Game of Thrones?  No!  Orgthag had it easy.

Still, even though Orgthag didn't have to deal with the Netflix disaster of 2011 and therefore doesn't understand the depths of suffering to which we modern humans are subjected, we can still commend him for his lack of whining.  I'm sure Orgthag was a little too busy not getting killed in order to even form whiny sentences, and that is completely respectable.

As I have worked as a teacher, I have often wished for a saber-tooth tiger or woolly mammoth or, heck, even a caveman club to use as a defense against whiners.  Oh, I'm sorry.  You don't feel like you should have to write a one page, double-spaced report?  Is that too hard for you?  Well, let's see what Mr. Jaws of Death Prehistoric Cat has to say.  (Sounds of roaring.)  What did you just say?  The report won't be a problem?  That's what I thought.

Ah, wouldn't that be nice?  Unfortunately, there are no saber tooths available at this moment in time (unless this whole de-extinction thing actually works out). The whole caveman club option is out, seeing as how teachers can't even paddle kids any more.  Heck, they can't even hurt kids' self esteem any more!  So, it's no wonder that whining, which used to be a trait most associated with small children, has now become just another communication tool for adults everywhere.

How do we combat this whining dilemma?  I guess we could all start by putting on our big boy and big girl boots and just learning how to work hard.  We could get rid of this whole entitled attitude and just deal with life.  As my friend and fellow teacher used to say, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit."  Or we could just wait for the inevitable apocalypse, when we will get to live life just like Orgthag did--sans Google and drive-thru windows.  Hopefully, most of the whiners will get killed, and everybody else will just learn how to be productive humans again.  Here is an image of of what we might possibly look like, based on the research I've done (and by research, I mean watching post-apocalyptic movies and plays):

Yep.  I think we're going to be okay.  

Let's stop the whining now, guys.  Before I set a saber tooth tiger AND Mad Max on you.  Deal?  Deal. 

Happy Hermiting


Saturday, September 22, 2012

Proof That I Still Live

I still blog.  I promise.  I just don't do it here very often. What? You don't believe me? Well, fine. Click on this, unbelievers.

I'm ashamed of you. ASHAMED.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Somebody got a new haircut....

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

February First Resolutions

You know something?  New Year's Resolutions are entirely over-rated.  I'm going to lobby for February First Resolutions!

Why, you ask?  Well, it has nothing to do with the fact that December and January were a complete wash for me due to wedding planning and the generally mushy state of my brain caused by engagement-itis.  (It's a real thing.  Look it up on Wikipedia...after I have a chance to write a bogus page about it.)  No, it has nothing to do with that!  *Shifty eyes*  The reasons for the needed change to February First Resolutions are endless:

1)  Who wants to be making big decisions in January?  Need I remind you that it is the worst month ever?  It contains the most depressing day of the year, folks.  Now, I dont know about you, but I don't want to be trying to change my flaws or refraining from eating fried food during the most depressing day of the year.  I want to be sitting in my footie pajamas or Forever Lazy, watching Downton Abbey and crying into my brownie batter.  Save the resolution-making for a different day.  

...That's actually the only reason I have right now.  

So!  In honor of February First Resolution day, I'm going to list a couple:

1) Get married (check)
2) Blog (check)

Excellent!  I'm just cruising through this!  

Well, all that resolutioning tired me out.  Time for some brownie batter.

Oh!  And, just as an update, the wedding was a success and the honeymoon trip was excellent.  Pictures and details will be will a new blog.  Methinks.


I Saw. I Learned. I Blogged.

A few things I've learned over the last few months (in no particular order):

  • There are far too many shades of red.  (Cranberry?  Red delicious?  Barn red?  Antique red?  Heirloom red?  ARGH!  Which one do I want?)
  • Postponing the inevitable is sometimes really lame.  And prevents you from getting the Twitter name you want.
  • Even if the puppy has just barely peed, there is no guarantee that she will not pee all over your Sunday clothes the moment you pick her up.  
  • The cure for depression may be this clip right here. 
  • The DMV is the government's substitution for cruel and unusual punishment.
  • I do not like living out of a suitcase and therefore will never fulfill my dream of being a rock star.  (I also don't drink or party, so I guess that dream was doomed from the get-go.)
  • Two people is the perfect number for Disneyland.  You always know who to ride with, you always have someone to talk to, you don't have to worry about keeping a big group together.  Perfect.  The only thing that could improve it is if one of you is in a wheel chair.  (Temporarily, of course.)
  • You can judge a bad fruit salad based on the number of honeydew melon and cantaloupe chunks inside said salad.  And the lack of strawberries.
  • The Food Network is either my greatest friend or worst enemy.  I can't decide.
And, last but not least:
When planning a wedding, it helps to have a family full of wonderful people who are excited to help.  And who know how to decorate.  And, the best part about wedding planning is when everything is over and done with.  


Friday, October 14, 2011

Two SQUEE Worthy Bits of News

I have two exciting pieces of news to deliver. We'll start with the most important.



(Ironically enough, I was in Texas when this particular ice cream parlor had their "We now have Blue Bell yay yay yay!" celebration. So, I was going to be having Blue Bell either way. Score. Love you, Texas! And most of all, I love all the wonderful people who let me hang out with them last week. Mwah! Miss you guys!)

And now for the second, slightly less important piece of news:

I'm engaged!

To this guy right here:

Hmmmmmm. Maybe we should find a different pic....

That's better.


I sure do love this boy. Even more than Blue Bell. (Don't tell that to Blue Bell, though. I don't want to hurt its feelings.)

And just for fun, here's a commercial we did together for BYU Broadcasting.  Enjoy.


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