Words of Wisdom from Nada Surf

Events of the past week or so have made me think of this fabulous song from Nada Surf--"Popular". I just love it, and it offers some great advice, particularly about dating. Ha ha. Love it.

Warning: This video gets sort of awkward at the end, what with the cheerleader and her boyfriend making out, so feel free to just listen and not watch. :-)

Oh, if we would just follow that break up rule, life would be so much easier! Then we wouldn't have to come up with creative ways to end something that's not working.



That's all I'm saying.

P.S. In a Google image search, I discovered this book. I kinda want to read it! It looks fun....

I didn't get this kind of quality education in college.

Are you ready for your lesson from the kindergarteners?

Today's topic: Dating

I told the kids to go around the room and pick up imaginary sea shells. We've been talking a lot about the beach lately, mainly because I would rather be on the beach and I would rather live in an imaginary world, even if it means I have to drag several young children with me. :-) Oh, too much information? I'm sorry.

Well, after they found some sea shells, their assignment was to sing about what kind of shell they found. A lot of them mentioned that they found snail shells. (We have a fake snail friend in the class named Shurmy.) Still too much information? Deal with it.

Anyway, this is the conversation that ensued:

Girl #1: (sings) I found Shurmy's girlfriend.

Girl #2: (sings) I found Shurmy's other girlfriend.

Girl #1: (in a "no-you-didn't" sort of tone) Shurmy can't have two girlfriends.

Girl #2: He can have as many girlfriends as he wants!

Girl #1: Well, which one will he marry?

Girl #2: He'll marry mine because she wears jewelry.

Girl #1: Well, mine is rich!


At which point I stepped in and started singing a new song. I didn't want to have a cat fight break out over which imaginary snail girlfriend would be most suitable to marry the imaginary unfaithful snail boyfriend named Shurmy. Maybe I should have taken the time to teach them Carrie Underwood's song Before He Cheats, but I decided to go with something a little more conservative like "Home is Where the Heart Is".

Oh, and the kids decided that Shurmy's girlfriend is named Lily and together they have a baby named JuJu.

I'm learning so much.

If I you weren't a kind institute teacher, I would kick you.

This was an actual conversation I had with a well-meaning institute teacher the other day:

Teacher: Weren't you engaged a little while ago? Did that fall through?

Me: ...Nope. Pretty sure I wasn't engaged.

Teacher: Oh. You were close, though, right?

Me: Nope. Not even close.

Teacher: Well, you're dating someone now, right?

Me: No

Teacher: Weren't you dating someone fairly recently?

Me: No sir.

Teacher: Oh. *beat* Those boys are just dumb.

Me: See ya!

In my head, I wanted to say, "Thanks for the feel-good conversation. We'll have to have another one of these soon."

Tribute to Goobers Everywhere

The ratio of Goobers to Normal people in a singles' ward is usually highly lopsided in favor of the Goobers. DRAT. Oh well. At least the Goobers do add a special dash of flavor to church activities...much like anchovy juice in Caesar dressing, or mold in cheese. :-) Let's face it, life just wouldn't be the same without the following conversations:

(Just to give you a mental picture, Boy #1--whom we'll refer to as Bill--has a very tall high forehead, thanks to hair loss. He wears glasses and doesn't smile. He talks in a very intense, slightly monotone voice. Think of Dwight Schrute from The Office. He is currently growing a big bushy beard, and when people ask him why he's growing said beard, he replies, in all seriousness, "I'm trying to look like Abraham Lincoln." ...Okay.... Boy #2, John, is pretty normal.)

Anyway, here's the conversation between Bill and John. John decided to complement Bill's maroon and gold tie.

John: I like your tie. It reminds me of Harry Potter.

Bill: (In his intense voice) What possible reasons would I have for wearing this tie?

John: Ummmm...

Bill: Reason #1--I look like Harry Potter. Reason #2--I attended the midnight release of the final Harry Potter book. Reason #3--These are the Gryffindor colors, and that's the house for which I would be selected. I also own the Slytherin tie.

John: Oh.


Ha ha. Taren overheard this conversation at one of our first ward functions, and it cracks me up to this day. These are the types of people who surround us, and will most likely be the only guys with enough gumption to ask us out on dates.



And people wonder why I'm not married? Hmmmmmm....

Healthy Alternatives to Dating

Today on our "Healthy Living Spotlight", which is a new feature on this blog, we are going to address a topic that has caused angst among old and young people around the world: Dating.

Dating can be very bad for your health. It's a fact. It can cause great mental anguish, weight gain, concentration problems, dangerous "twitterpation", and eventually turn you into one of these people .

Of course, sometimes dating can lead to marriage.

But most of the time, it just leads to this:

(Poor Dawson. It's okay. Dating is hard for all of us.)

So, in order to protect you fragile people from the dangers of dating, we here at the Hermit Association (HA) would like to provide you with some healthy alternatives to dating. Without further ado, here is our guide:

Healthy Alternatives to Dating

1) Become a philanthropist. It worked really well for Mother Teresa, after all. I'm pretty sure you will never hear anyone say, "Oh, that Mother Teresa. She could have been great if only she would have spent more time dating and found herself a man." Nope. She's the bomb, and you can be too! Want to know the secret? PHILANTHROPY! And having a super-awesome nun's habit. (Only $30 on ebay.)



We at HA salute you, Mother Teresa!

2) Get a dog! If you want undying devotion and affection, a dog is the perfect pet for you! Heaven knows they will always love you, unlike that jerk you're no doubt dating at this very moment. Just feed your dog some table scraps and he will love you for a lifetime (in dog years, of course.)

3) Go on a walkabout in Australia. Maybe you'll find him on your walkabout....*eyes glaze over while the author of this post sighs* OH. *snapping out of it* But, of course you won't date him, because dating is what we're trying to avoid. *Back pedaling* You'll shake his hand, say "G'day", and be on your way. You have a walkabout to attend to!

4) Stay at home and bash your head against a wall (preferably a sturdy wall). It won't last as long as a date, the pain will be less, and there will be fewer tears in the end.

5) Take up yodeling. We think that will keep you safe from dates, but it could have the opposite effect....

6) Spend several hours each day staring in the mirror telling yourself that it's okay that you're a twenty-something unmarried female living in Utah County. If you say this to yourself enough, it just might help combat the throng of married people who constantly elude to the fact that there is something wrong with you for still remaining unwed. It probably won't help, but it's a shot....

(That last one may not apply to all of you, but you can substitute some other phrase to boost your confidence.)


Well, thank you for tuning in to this edition of "Healthy Living". Remember, friends, there are several healthy alternatives to dating. Don't give in to peer pressure! We at HA are happy to assist you if you ever need a support group. Our call center is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.... We just can't seem to remember what the phone number is. Hmmm. Well, in the meantime, feel free to leave a note and we will be happy to help you out!

Love,

HA