Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Gobble Gobble

So, it's no secret that I am not exactly the queen of domesticity. I'm pretty sure that if I wanted any chance at all to be allowed into the Royal Court of the Domestically-Inclined I would have to be the Court Jester or something.

Sometimes, I forget this. Today was one of those days.

I'm in charge of planning activities in my ward, and this week we decided to have a Thanksgiving Potluck. Guess who volunteered to cook the turkey? Guess who has no idea how to cook a turkey?

Oooh! Ooooh! Me!! Pick me!! *Jules jumps up and down, frantically waving her hand in the air.*

And, while I'm at it, why don't I make a sweet potato casserole? Yes. That sounds like a brilliant idea. This is going to be great, Jules.

(These must have been my thoughts, if I was thinking at all.)

And so it was that I found myself in the kitchen today, struggling to fit both a sweet potato casserole and a turkey in an oven that was too small. And this was after I a) realized that I don't own a potato peeler, b) realized that peeling sweet potatoes with a knife is hard, and c) realized that my lack of potato-peeling skills will likely keep me out of the army. Oh. I also realized that sweet potato peels clog up the garbage disposal.


No worries, though. I figured that all out and got everything cooked. Surprise: the turkey was so pretty...until I carved it.

Yes. Carved. That is an excellent word to describe how I delicately cut the succulent meat.

Who am I kidding? I brutally massacred it. I tried to be all delicate and junk, but then I just got frustrated, ripped the legs off and hacked the breasts off. It was a terrible scene of turkey carnage.

(I'm sorry for the graphic images that may have just been conjured up in your mind. I hope there are no children present. )

Despite all of this, the turkey ended up being a success! Hopefully the people in my ward don't all get salmonella. That would be nice.

Oh, and I hope you're reading this, Daddy, because you will be so proud of me. I figured out how to unclog the garbage disposal--all by mine self! (Well, with a little help from the internet, too.)

Am I still the Court Jester of the Domestic Court? Probably, but the whole thing could have gone a lot worse....


Kim said...

One of the first fights Dave and I had when we were married was over a disposal clogged with potato peels.

Him: Why did you put potato peels down the disposal in the first place.
Me: Because that's what it's FOR! - DISPOSING. OF. PEELS.

Congrats on the turkey. I've never made one but occasionally I cook a whole chicken and as I am ripping it to shreds I think to myself, "Self, you should really learn how to cut up a cooked chicekn the right way."

That's more than enough dialog for one comment. The end.

Kim said...

And just to clarify as I read that again, Dave and I are still married. That was one of the first fights we had when we were FIRST married.

Mel said...

I have an amazing sweet potato casserole recipe. It's more like a dessert, really. Plus, you mash the sweet potatoes, so you can just cut them in half, boil them with the skins on, let them cool a little, and the skins peel right off--No need for a peeler or possibly cutting yourself from peeling with a knife. I guess you could just have easily clogged the drain, though. Luv ya! p.s. I've never cooked a real turkey. Last year I cheated and just cooked a breast.

Beka and Eric Sorensen said...

Hahahaha! Fantastic story, Jules!! Love you :) p.s. I'll be in PG next Wednesday night to Friday night or Saturday....can I see your face, pretty please??

Mari said...

I'm so proud of you! I have no clue how to cook a turkey and when that fateful day arrives I hope to be as lucky as you!

Tyler said...

Your use of the word "drat" made me happy. You are the only person I have heard use that word in recent memory (except myself, of course).


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