Friday, January 21, 2011

Practice Safe Text

(I want one of these shirts--minus the unnecessary apostrophe.)

Still not sure about this National Hermit Month thing? Still need reasons to stay in your house and never come out? Well, let me teach you about one woman who should have celebrated National Hermit Month with the rest of us.

Meet Cathy Cruz Marrero:, the woman who tripped into a fountain while texting, and was lucky enough to get caught on tape.

(By the way, I'm sorry to say that this isn't the greatest video of the incident. Unfortunately, the good one was taken off of YouTube because of Cathy's whining, which I will discuss in a minute.)

Now, there's an embarrassing moment worth sharing during getting-to-know-you conversations. You could pretty much "one up" anyone.

"Cathy, what's your most embarrassing moment?"

"Well, let me show you, man. It's epic. I got millions of hits on YouTube."

I, for one, would be proud that such a hilarious moment was caught on film. In fact, the next time I do something idiotic like that in a public place, I'm going to find the security guards and ask if they caught it on tape.

But, not Cathy. She had a completely different reaction to this whole situation, and decided to become angry. Watch this.

I have so many issues with this. SOOO many.

First of all, if she would have just kept her mouth shut, NO ONE would have known that this was her. Honestly, if you watch the video, you can't even tell that it's a woman.

Secondly, it drives me nuts that she says, "I usually don't walk and text. I don't do that. I wait til I go home and text." Lady, I don't believe you for one second. And who cares if you walk and text? Everyone does. Not everyone falls in a fountain while they're doing that, but to each her own.

Thirdly, it's maddening that she's trying to sue mall security for not coming to check on her. "Sometimes there's not water in that fountain. I could have been really hurt." Obviously, there was water in that fountain because she was soaking wet. And, obviously, she wasn't hurt because she stood up and walked away. So, just shut up, lady. Laugh it off, lady! She's making it worse by trying to fight this. Now everyone just heartily dislikes her.

Fourthly, she says she would never post a video like this. She would think of the person's feelings. BULL. I'm sure she's done her fair share of posting funny videos on her Facebook wall, or watching America's Funniest Home Videos back in the day. Let's face it: This kind of stuff is HILARIOUS when it's not happening to you!

And, finally: "What would you like people to learn about texting?"

"It's dangerous."


Nope, being inattentive is dangerous.

So, Cathy, I wish you the best, but you are not handling this in the right way. You should have just stayed at home. And now you have way more problems than just an embarrassing YouTube video.

Let that be a listen to you, hermits and shermits everywhere. Don't leave your house in January.

You've still got a week left in Hermit Month. Make it count!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A (completely fabricated) History of Hermits

What is this National Hermit Month, you may be asking, and how did it all come about? Excellent questions, my friends. Excellent questions, indeed.

The truth is that Hermits and Shermits (she hermits) have been around since the very first January decided to declare its presence with characteristic cold weather and general orneriness. Now, I wasn't there for the inception (BWONG!) of the hermits, but I imagine it happened like this:


Scene: MAN and WOMAN have finished their December holiday partying, and decide it's time to leave their cave for some fresh air. They take a deep breath and take one step out of their cave, when suddenly EVIL JANUARY runs out of the woods and uses his icicle club to bludgeon MAN and WOMAN repeatedly until they have no choice but to limp back into the safety of their cave. EVIL JANUARY laughs maniacally.

The End.

And that was the beginning of fairies. I mean hermits.

So, really, we come by our hermithood naturally. It's perfectly normal for people to want to crawl inside a hole and do nothing but sit in a bubble bath and watch Castle all day, because that's what our ancient ancestors did. (That's right. They had bubble baths and TV in the stone age. Don't let anyone tell you differently.) The next time someone tries to chastise you for being lazy in the month of January, feel free to chastise them for attempting to thwart Mother Nature.

Take THAT, you ambitious, non-hermits.

Well, I've let slip some of my fav hermit activities. What are yours? Anyone?

(If you say World of Warcraft, you shall be stricken from my blog. Also, this is terrifying. Completely unrelated, but terrifying.)

Happy hermit-ing!

Monday, January 10, 2011


Oh no! It's National Hermit Month (Julianna's made-up month) and I've missed nearly a third of it!

I am a disgrace to all hermits. Or am I? *Raised eyebrow*

I will have you know that I have been extremely hermitish so far this January--cranky, whiny, depressed, etc. Ha! I have been the best hermit ever!

Actually, I've been distracted by a few things...mainly these adorable guys:

So, maybe I've been a little distracted. BUT FEAR NOT! The hermit-ing will continue.

Let the National Hermit Month Festivities begin!


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