The Funeral Services of Phil Beta

I'm a fish killer. I am a killer of fish. You know that you have problems when you can't even keep a Beta fish alive.



We are gathered here to mourn Phil the Beta. He died on Friday October 23, 2009, and is survived by his owner: me. She had high hopes of getting him into the prestigious underground fish fight club, but now those dreams have been shattered. Months of intense training are wasted, and the hearts of Phil's fans are broken.


Ode to Phil

Oh Phil, you were the greatest Beta fish.
You always did the best that you could do.
Now that you're gone I only have one wish;
That there's a bowl in heaven just for you.
I hope the fishy angels treat you well,
And that you always have enough to eat.
But if, somehow, you find yourself in hell,
Take care, my dear, and stay far from the heat.
In any case, I'll miss you, my fish friend.
I'll never find another just like you.
I'm sorry that your life came to an end.
I'll miss your fins of red and green and blue.

Here's to you, Phil. You will be missed. *Taps plays gently in the background as Phil is flushed down the toilet.*

*Sniff* Thanks for coming, everyone. Help yourself to the funeral potatoes.