Thursday, July 9, 2009

Chocol-ardiac Arrest

So, I took a little trip down memory lane the other day, and visited, a site that was all the rage when I was in high school. And I found this little gem: Strong Bad's Bottom 10. In honor of high school memories (and because some things bug me), here is my own "Bottom 10" list. Well, it's actually just a "Bottom 5" list because I'm lazy and not many things are bothering me today.

5) The use of the word "bling". Why are people still saying this word, particularly in serious settings? I'm baffled that the word has somehow abandoned the beefy, chain-wearing, gold-toothed gangsta-rappers who spawned it, and has now joined forces with sweet middle-aged scrapbooking women. "When it comes to scrapbooking, I'm all about the bling." (Actual quote, by the way. Seriously. Just google "bling scrapbooking" and you'll see the horrors.) *A shiver runs down my spine.* I don't know why, but I cringe when I hear someone use the word in a non-joking setting.

4) The following rhyming lyrics in songs:

Desire and Fire--I hate to break it to you, but you are not the first person to discover that those words rhyme. Even the Backstreet Boys figured that out.

Kiss and Miss--Yes, if you kiss me, you might miss me. But, considering that I'm wearing braces, the kiss might just be weird.

And, also, I dislike when bands shout out their name and the year the song was created. "This is Lunatic Fringe, 1996!!" Thanks, Fringe. Now, whenever I listen to your song I'm going to constantly think about how old it's getting, and how NOT COOL your band is. (P.S. I always thought Lunatic Fringe would be a good band name if I ever decided to become a heavy metal rocker. I just googled it, though, and it looks like other people had the same idea. Ooh! And it's also the name of a belly dancing shop! Anyone want to take up belly dancing?)

3) "Git 'er done." UGH. Larry the Cable Guy, you are not on my happy list. If I hear one more person yell this phrase and laugh because they think it's oh-so-funny, I will go all "Sydney Bristow" on them. No joke. (I also feel this way about Dumb and Dumber quotes and the song "Popular" from Wicked. Don't say those things around me. I'm a woman on the edge, and I will bust your kneecaps--in my mind, at least.)

2) The THX sound. I realize that everyone else loves this sound, but I can't stand it! My brain feels like it's going to explode. Seriously, if you wanted to torture me, you would just need to put me in a room where this sound was constantly playing, and then put a piece of chocolate cake just barely inches out of my grasp. I would cave in approximately 2.5 seconds. "Okay, I'll tell you what you want! Just make it stop!" *Hysterical sobbing.* (Maybe I shouldn't have told you all how to torture me....)

1) No chocolate cake. Can there be anything worse? Dismemberment? Nah. Death by shark attack? Nope. Starvation? No.... Wait. That means you don't have chocolate cake. YES! That's terrible!
Can you tell what's on my mind right now?


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