Maybe We Can Find a Banana For Your Monkey

"Now, generally I'd hesitate about passing an opinion about somebody's kid, but even if I don't say it, it's an ugly baby."

--Flip Wilson

I realize that someone is going to burn me at the stake for saying this, but I don't think newborn babies are cute. I just don't. Every single one, without exception, (yes, that includes yours) looks like some sort of alien or monster.

(Good grief! A 19 pound baby! Gross.)

Granted, some are better-looking than others, but they're all ugly.

Really, though, how could you expect a brand new baby to be cute? The little dear has sat in a tummy for 9 months, only to be brought into the world via a tiny, goo-covered passage-way. It's not exactly a pretty process. It's only natural that the poor thing is going to look like a lizard for a while.

So, please don't show me a picture of your fresh-out-of-the-oven child, complete with the wrinkled-up face all covered in goo, and expect me to gush about how beautiful he/she is. I won't.

Now, if you show me a picture several months later, I will definitely be gushing.

(Aw. See? Not wrinkled and goo-covered now. At the moment, anyway.)

Of course, all of MY babies will be completely gorgeous, right? So I will be showing you all of the pictures of the fetus and goo and naked bathtub photos. And you'd better gush over them, so help me.

*Sarcasm intended.