Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Maybe We Can Find a Banana For Your Monkey

"Now, generally I'd hesitate about passing an opinion about somebody's kid, but even if I don't say it, it's an ugly baby."

--Flip Wilson

I realize that someone is going to burn me at the stake for saying this, but I don't think newborn babies are cute. I just don't. Every single one, without exception, (yes, that includes yours) looks like some sort of alien or monster.

(Good grief! A 19 pound baby! Gross.)

Granted, some are better-looking than others, but they're all ugly.

Really, though, how could you expect a brand new baby to be cute? The little dear has sat in a tummy for 9 months, only to be brought into the world via a tiny, goo-covered passage-way. It's not exactly a pretty process. It's only natural that the poor thing is going to look like a lizard for a while.

So, please don't show me a picture of your fresh-out-of-the-oven child, complete with the wrinkled-up face all covered in goo, and expect me to gush about how beautiful he/she is. I won't.

Now, if you show me a picture several months later, I will definitely be gushing.

(Aw. See? Not wrinkled and goo-covered now. At the moment, anyway.)

Of course, all of MY babies will be completely gorgeous, right? So I will be showing you all of the pictures of the fetus and goo and naked bathtub photos. And you'd better gush over them, so help me.

*Sarcasm intended.


Mel said...

I thought you promised to get off the Twilight/Robert Pattinson tangent before posting again. Zing!!!! :)

Mari said...

I have to say that I've heard more than one mother say that a few months after having her baby, she looked back on the pictures of it as a newborn and thought that maybe it wasn't as cute as she remembered. So I kinda think that you might be right. I do, however, still think that my kid was totally beautiful from day one. I'm obviously not far enough removed from it yet :)

Jules said...

I will admit, Mari, that your baby is one that looks much better than most. :-)

Jen Duke said...

I'm in the mood to randomly comment :) I've never really thought my own kids were very cute when they first came out. Give them a few hours, bath, and a hat...and they start looking more normal.

Mel said...

Thanks to this post, I had a dream last night that my baby came out REALLY ugly.

Jules said...

Oh no! I'm sorry to give you nightmares....

KasiaJ said...

I hope you can at least admit that Mim was one of the less ugly newborns.


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