Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Funeral Services of Phil Beta

I'm a fish killer. I am a killer of fish. You know that you have problems when you can't even keep a Beta fish alive.

We are gathered here to mourn Phil the Beta. He died on Friday October 23, 2009, and is survived by his owner: me. She had high hopes of getting him into the prestigious underground fish fight club, but now those dreams have been shattered. Months of intense training are wasted, and the hearts of Phil's fans are broken.

Ode to Phil

Oh Phil, you were the greatest Beta fish.
You always did the best that you could do.
Now that you're gone I only have one wish;
That there's a bowl in heaven just for you.
I hope the fishy angels treat you well,
And that you always have enough to eat.
But if, somehow, you find yourself in hell,
Take care, my dear, and stay far from the heat.
In any case, I'll miss you, my fish friend.
I'll never find another just like you.
I'm sorry that your life came to an end.
I'll miss your fins of red and green and blue.

Here's to you, Phil. You will be missed. *Taps plays gently in the background as Phil is flushed down the toilet.*

*Sniff* Thanks for coming, everyone. Help yourself to the funeral potatoes.


Jeff said...

I am so sad he's gone. :(

f8hasit said...

We are on our third "Ol' Blue" betta fish. I say 'we', as the fish actually belong to my daughter. Although she is under the impression that this is the original. She has no idea that I've flushed two and replaced them before she's home from school.

Perhaps her incessant feeding of the damn things is to blame?

Cheers to Phil.
Sorry for your loss.

Mel said...

That reminds me of Nemo: "What's wrong with that girl?" "She's a FISH KILLER!" (Today the part of Darla will be played by Jules.) Phil was a strong one, but we all have to go someday. Haven't you subconsciously been waiting for this day to come?


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