Clarification

I feel like my last post sounded too much like a tiny pity party. And, as much as I love parties of any variety, I just barely ran out of tear-shaped confetti and double fudge brownie ice cream, so I guess I should just elaborate on the no job situation and nip this particular party in the bud.

I wish I could say that the reason they aren't hiring me back next year is because I did something CRAZY. That way, I would go out with a bang as opposed to a fizzle. (Well, we still have graduation on Friday. I guess I could do something crazy there.....) In all actuality, it's purely based on a lack of funds. In fact, the school head master was all misty-eyed when he told me they couldn't employ me. "My daughter just loves you and talks about you all the time."

Whoohoo!! As long as the kids love me, I'm good with that. And now I can have the excuse to go find a job that actually pays my bills. Anyone have some suggestions? I hear that bums with street signs do pretty well for themselves....

Back to Square One

Update on yesterday:

The day did not get better. Guess who doesn't have a job next year? *Jules jumps up and down, frantically waving her hand in the air and yelling, "Ooh! Me! Pick me!*

Ah well. Back to job hunting, my friends.

Julianna and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

It's May 24th.

It's snowing.

Now, I'm not talking about nice little snow flurries. I'm talking about tree branch-breaking, shovel-your-driveway-multiple-times-ing, blizzarding snow.

Once again, Julianna is disgruntled.

And it's only 10:30 am and I've already had an emotional breakdown.

I think I'll move to Australia.

On the bright side, I did make it to the gym. Go team.

Also, I loved Lost last night, and like any other true Lost fan, I'm going to post about it soon. Deal with it.

I hope your Monday is shaping up to be better than mine.

I'll let you know when I start my photography business.

I like to call this particular piece "Moving Out of the Basement Apartment".

I feel that it accurately captures the angst that comes with moving. You can almost hear the model in the photo (who is obviously a natural, by the way) saying, "Why don't I just light a match and start over...in the forest somewhere?"

It's a modern-day version of The Scream, really.

Seriously, though. This moving thing is annoying.

Let's find something a little more in my price range...like the 5 to 10 dollar price range.

Once upon a time I signed up for the "Shop It To Me" mailing list, and now I always get emails from them about the fantastic sales going on with various brands. It's a nice idea, but I have yet to buy anything, mainly because the showcased sales are usually on items like this.

Now, call me crazy, but it seems that anyone who is willing to spend 2,500 dollars on a deerskin jacket is not the type of person who is going to be signing up for EMAILED DISCOUNTS!

The other day there was a lace metallic shawl on sale for 800 dollars, discounted from 1,500 dollars. Oooh, golly! That's the perfect item for me! $1500 was just too big of a price tag, but $800 is perfectly reasonable.

Come on, Shop It To Me. If I'm looking for a clothing sale, chances are that I don't have $1000 to spend.

I blame the parents.

In the past week, I have very nearly killed the following animals with my car:

• Two suicidal cats who darted in front of my car at three in the morning.

• One wounded quail, limping ever-so-slowly across the road.

• A bunch of ducklings.

I felt the worst about the ducklings. What is it about ducklings? I could run over a different type of animal and not feel TOO bad, but running over a whole family of ducklings ranks right up there with punching puppies--nearly unforgivable!

I'm still haunted by the image of their little wings flapping in panic as they tried to escape my car. Luckily, they got away, but I very nearly became a murderer.

Seriously, ducklings, didn't your mother ever teach you to not play in the road?

Some of Julianna's Thoughts While Sitting in a Sauna

Eeew. There is an old man out there wearing a Speedo. Sir, it's time to trade in your tiny suit for something a little more modest. Please. Someone should really put an age limit on Speedos. Like, only Olympians between the ages of 16 and 30 can wear them. I'm pretty sure that would cut down on most dry-heaving that occurs at public swimming pools.

And don't get me started on bikinis.

Speaking of which, a bikini-clad woman just came in to the sauna with her significant other. How do I know that these two are romantically involved? Well, first off, I just have a gift for reading people. Secondly, they are cuddling and cooing. *Shudder* Is that romantic? To come into a sauna and sweat all over each other? I don't think so, but that's just me. Call me crazy, but I think that some moments are not meant to be shared with the love of your life.

But, what do I know? I'm one of those crazy young single adults.

Uh oh. The Speedo Man is coming into the sauna. No, Speedo Man! Don't come in! Oh great. Speedo Man is sitting directly across from me. OH NO! Speedo Man is doing some very inappropriate stretching moves. Stop, Speedo Man! STOP! STOP WITH THE STRADDLE STRETCH!!! ARGH!! My retinas!!

*Julianna rushes out of the sauna, nursing her wounded eyes.*

Watch a movie, feel the burn.

"I will not run. Why punish my legs for something my mouth did?"

--Source Unknown for the Moment

(I couldn't remember who said this quote, so I decided to Google it. Note to self: Never Google anything containing the word "punish". Anyway, we'll just leave that quote author-less for now.)

I am not a runner. Unless something scary (like a bear or Tree Man) is chasing me, I just don't see the point of running. This has always been my philosophy. That is, until the glorious day when I discovered the cardio cinema at the gym!

It's amazing how quickly a movie can change my attitude. Running on a normal treadmill is like death and a baby. But, put that treadmill in a theater room and I'll run for miles, as happy as a hamster. (Get it? Hamster...because hamsters run on their little wheels for hours? What a brilliant metaphor. The writing in this post is just top-notch. You should be glad you're reading this.)

However, my hamster-like happiness has faded lately because it seems like Gold's Gym workers have terrible taste in movies. I have seen Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull multiple times in that cardio cinema, unfortunately. I've seen The Proposal more times than I care to count, and I've even been fortunate enough enough to see parts of Step Up 2 and G Force. (Speaking of hamsters....)

But, the most annoying movie as of late is definitely We Are Marshall. I've seen the first half of that movie probably four times in the last month. Ugh. First of all, I get sick of inspirational sports movies really quickly. (I blame this on the fact that I was way overexposed to Remember the Titans during my high school years. "We need to have an inspirational assembly for all of the high school kids, so we're going to watch Remember the Titans." "We need an inspirational activity for the drama students, so we're going to watch Remember the Titans." "We need an inspirational activity for the floral arranging class. Remember the Titans it is!") Yes, I'm so happy that football is such a magical tool that brings us all together, but I don't want to watch a movie about it. Especially if Matthew Mcconaughey is playing the annoying head coach. And especially if I'm trying to run.

Maybe I should just imagine that I'm running away from that movie....

And Why Can't References to the Holocaust Be Funny?

Remember my pickiness about bananas? Well, my dear father (Hi Dad!) is very tolerant of my banana issues. In fact, even though I don't live at my parents' house, my dad still buys green bananas. On Sunday, he commented on the fact that I hadn't been around to eat the bananas.

Dad: See? I buy them green and nobody eats them.

Jules: I'm sorry! The window of opportunity is just too short.

Dad: I just need to get you a banana ripening chamber.

Jules: There's an idea.

Dad: You know how the banana gas chamber works, don't you?

Jules: Yes. The bananas are told to tie their shoes together so they'll get them back after their shower. But they don't get their shoes back.

Get it? Anyone?

*Crickets chirp*

Later conversation with Taren:

Taren: Yeah, I don't think anyone is going to think that's funny. The Holocaust isn't exactly a funny topic.

Jules: But THIS is funny! Bananas don't even WEAR shoes!

Oh, bananas with shoes. *Chuckle*

I Guess I'll Be Ordering the Big Mac

I saw a billboard the other day for a restaurant. I don't remember which. Ruby River? Ruby Tuesday's? Something involving rubies. Or not. Apparently this is another advertising fail, since I can't even remember the name of the restaurant. Ah well. I'm over it.

Anyway, the billboard showed a picture of a smiling couple next to the words, "Because she said yes."

How sweet. If she says yes to the proposal, she gets steak. If the answer is no, he's taking her straight to McDonald's.

Frankly, I think McDonald's is missing out on a great opportunity for advertising. Right after the Ruby *mumble something unintelligible* restaurant ad, there should be a billboard with a pic of a sad couple and the words, "Because she said no--McDonald's."

I would remember that ad. Most definitely.