Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I want to call your parents, but I don't think my cell phone plan covers calls to HELL.

"The soul is healed by being with children."

--Fyodor Dostoevsky

Now, I don't mean to disagree with the famous Russian author who brought as such classics as The Idiot and Crime and Punishment, but Fyodor was obviously not in my classes today. If he had been, his quote might be changed to:

"The soul is ripped to shreds by children."

Or something along those lines. Dah, Fyodor?

Okay, okay. Not all children have this effect. Most, in fact, are totally love-able. Take my preschoolers, for example. We get along splendidly. In fact, sometimes I think I should befriend more three and four year olds, simply because I have such a good rapport with them.

Fourth graders, on the other hand, make me break out in hives. And today, after one particularly charming punk told me he wanted to "slice my head off," I was quite sad that teachers are no longer allowed to paddle children. Quite sad, indeed.

I'm kidding, of course. (No I'm not. Not in the slightest, actually.)

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to try to patch my tattered soul back together. What does one use for that sort of activity? I'm thinking chocolate will be involved somehow....


Unknown said...

One year I taught 2nd grade. A boy in my class yelled variations of "Teacher's an old hag!" every day. A girl in my class stood up in the middle of lessons, hit her bum and yelled "Poo poo, pee pee!" just for the giggles. When I tried to get a girl to come back to class from the restroom she told me that was child abuse. A boy stole another girl's stuff and made her pay him to get it back. I could go on. I don't teach anymore. Good luck!

KaLynn ("MiMi") said...

You are a hero in my book. A couragous hero. Any teacher now days has my admiration. I couldn't do it. I would be in so much trouble just on the first day, I'm sure!

Hats off to you!

Taren said...

the title... amazing.

Jeff said...

Hahaha, seriously, I laughed really hard at the title.

I was just admiring the stark contrast between this and the last post. :) Watch the video in said last post.

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