Goals, Shmoals

I'm not much of a goal-setter, sadly enough. I blame my cynicism, actually. I don't get motivated by those "Go for it!" posters, or the "You can do it!" pep talks. And when people tell me that I need to make goals and write them down, I nod my head in agreement, while at the same time thinking, "Yeah, that's not happening."

Needless to say, I need an attitude adjustment.

The most recent example of how bad I am with goals:

For the past several weeks, I have had a goal of eating sweets only once a week. ONCE. (I know. That's sheer insanity, right?) Wanna know how many times I've accomplished this goal?

Zero. Not once.

Apparently, I don't do well with the whole, "Don't give up what you want most for what you want right now," thing. Especially when it comes to food. Here's a glimpse of the internal dialogue I have with myself:

"Don't eat that cookie."

"But, I want it."

"Well, remember your goal."

"What goal? I don't remember any goal." *Shifty eyes...if it's possible for internal voices to have shifty eyes.*

"Think about what you want most!"

"That cookie."

"Stop!"

"COOKIE!!"

*Munch munch munch*

Internal Voice of Reason: 0 points

Appetite: 657,002 points

Appetite is very hard to say no to. I imagine she looks something like this:

Yeah, I'm pretty sure you don't want to say no to her.

Anyway, this whole post is leading up to something I just read on the inside of the wrapper for one of those Dove chocolates. It's a Valentine's Day chocolate that has been sitting in the candy dish for a few weeks, and I've been trying to ignore it, thanks to my goal.

Goal: Fail. Yet again.

The message, which happens to be from Martha Stewart, says, "Surprise a loved one with pink bed linens on Valentine's Day."

Wha?

Martha, who should I be surprising, exactly? If I had a husband, I don't think pink bed linens would necessarily be a happy thing.

"SURPRISE!"

"Um, what's this?"

"It's your Valentine's Day SURPRISE! Pink BED LINENS!! Isn't that such a surprising SURPRISE?!"

"...Yeah. I was really hoping for a change in the color of my bed linens. The other color just seemed almost too manly."

The day I start taking advice from Martha Stewart, particularly about the proper choice of bed linens, is going to be a very dark day, indeed. I'll probably have to start scrapbooking, too.

*Shudder*

I guess that's what I get for not keeping my goals.

Not to self: Make a goal to keep goals.

(Yeah, that's not happening.)