Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Those Are My Superhero Tights. I Fight Crime In Them.

My little brother is an aspiring film director. I am an aspiring "help my little brother become a film director" person. So, when he needs somebody to help him brainstorm ideas, I am more than happy to help.

Usually, my one big critique is that there aren't enough women in his movies. Like, we're talking zero main female roles. So I'm usually saying, "Hey, can a girl play that part?" "You could just have a girl do that." "Girl, girl, girl, girl."

It's only natural that this would come back to bite me. And that is how I found myself trying on a costume for a part in his latest independent film.


And, as I was trying on this costume, I remembered, once again, that my summer Bluebell goal has given me some beautiful love handles. (They're sort of like a trophy, in a way. Yes, friends! I bear the mark of one who has taken the Bluebell challenge!)

Naturally, upon noticing these badges of honor, I did what any self-respecting woman would do. I decided to order some Spanx.

Now, I have never ordered Spanx, so I'm not really savvy about which particular product would be best to hide the Bluebell love. And, furthermore, since I'm pretty tall, I don't fit in any of their little size charts. So I decided to call customer service and have a nice "girl talk" with one of the employees there.

Imagine my surprise when Richard answered the phone.

I automatically felt so awkward. I don't want to be discussing slimming underwear with some guy. I don't know why it makes that big of a difference, but it does! Somehow it's okay to ask a girl which product she would recommend to suck in your ghetto booty, but I don't want to discuss panty lines and other such things with a dude.

And, frankly, I don't know why a guy would want to be working at a place that has a collection called "Bra-llelujah!"(I realize that a guy invented the bra, but still.) Look what the economy has done to us poor people. Guys are working at Spanx, I'm not working at all. It's just a cruel, cruel world.

Nevertheless, Richard was helpful, and managed to steer clear of that dreaded panty word. (I hate that word.) So, thanks to you, Richard. I hope you find a job at a sports hardware store soon.

(And, for those of you who don't recognize the title of this post, you need to hop over here and watch "Handsome Men's Club." There is some swearing involved, just so you know. Swearing aside, though, it's one of the funniest clips I've seen in awhile. Cheers.)


Taren said...

SPANKS!... spanks!!!

Jarom said...

I'll bet Richard has a graduate degree in history. It's the economy these days; so sad...

Drake said...

The question remains: what was your super-power? (beyond the standard female superhero power of fitting into her costume)


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