Take Your Daylight Saving Time and Stick It Where the Sun Don't Shine. Cause That's When I'm Driving To Work Now.

(I realize I'm a little late posting about this, but I was too busy napping.)

Ah, Daylight Saving: That magical time of year when all of us (Arizona not included) lose an hour of precious sleep. And, since few of us are getting enough sleep to begin with, this creates a lot of angry, zombie-like people, searching for someone to blame for cutting into our nap time. To whom does the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate usually end up pointing? The one and only Ben-jammin Franklin.


(Am I the only one who thinks this is super creepy?)

"Darn you, Benjamin!" we say. "Why didn't you keep your blasted opinions to yourself?! We're fine with you being on the 100 dollar bill and all, but COME ON!"

Now, I love my sleep just as much as the next guy, and I hate Daylight Saving time MORE than the next guy, but I think we all need to take a step back and give poor Ben a break.

Here's the deal: Benjamin Franklin's whole suggestion for this business was satirical in nature. Just the writings of a brilliant guy who was probably bored sitting in a house in Paris. (Here's the whole letter, if you want to read it.) So, should we really be blaming Ben? Or should we be blaming all of us (Arizona not included) for continuing to do this STUPID MOVE-THE-CLOCKS-FORWARD-AND-BACK THING?!

*Jules gets so upset she falls into a deep sleep. Narcolepsy style.*

Ahem. Excuse me.

This is what I'm asking for, People of the World. I want to hear at least three good, solid reasons for why I lost an hour of sleep this week, and why I'm driving to work in the dark. If the reason includes something like, "It's great! It stays lighter longer," I don't want to hear it. Know why? BECAUSE THERE IS STILL THE SAME AMOUNT OF LIGHT!! Now, however, when I'm driving to work at 6:30 in the morning, IT'S DARK! Know why? BECAUSE I'M REALLY DRIVING TO WORK AT 5:30 IN THE MORNING!!

*Angry Jules. "Flames. Flames on the side of my face...."*

The other thing I don't want to hear is that it saves us all so much money. I hear this often, but I have yet to see any real proof of this supposed fact. Does anyone have some hardcore evidence of this? (Or would you like to Google it for me?) People keep telling me that it saves so much money, but I have yet to see the data. So, show it to me.

And, even if you can prove that it saves money, I don't care. I'll just leave me lights on twice as long out of spite. Take THAT!

Next year, I'm boycotting. This is the worst idea ever.

That's enough. I'm going back to sleep.

Flife!

My most loyal reader (Hi Dad!) has been dropping several hints lately about my lack of blogging.

"Well, I don't know what's going on in Jules' life, since she never blogs anymore."

"Dad, we live in the same house. I talk with you all the time."

"It's not on the blog...."

And, since I've moved to a new place (finally), I no longer have an excuse for my slacking. And, since it's my most loyal reader's birthday today (Happy Birthday, Dad!), I figure I owe it to him to at least blog a little bit.

So, since I haven't written a haiku in a while, here are two:

(For Padre)

Throw some confetti.

Please party responsibly.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

(On Julianna's Life As a Twenty-Something)

Life is happening.

What more do you want to know?

I need to sleep more.

I hope life is treating you all well! And if it's not, you should body slam it.

(And Happy Birthday, Dad!)

Practice Safe Text

(I want one of these shirts--minus the unnecessary apostrophe.)

Still not sure about this National Hermit Month thing? Still need reasons to stay in your house and never come out? Well, let me teach you about one woman who should have celebrated National Hermit Month with the rest of us.

Meet Cathy Cruz Marrero:, the woman who tripped into a fountain while texting, and was lucky enough to get caught on tape.

(By the way, I'm sorry to say that this isn't the greatest video of the incident. Unfortunately, the good one was taken off of YouTube because of Cathy's whining, which I will discuss in a minute.)

Now, there's an embarrassing moment worth sharing during getting-to-know-you conversations. You could pretty much "one up" anyone.

"Cathy, what's your most embarrassing moment?"

"Well, let me show you, man. It's epic. I got millions of hits on YouTube."

I, for one, would be proud that such a hilarious moment was caught on film. In fact, the next time I do something idiotic like that in a public place, I'm going to find the security guards and ask if they caught it on tape.

But, not Cathy. She had a completely different reaction to this whole situation, and decided to become angry. Watch this.

I have so many issues with this. SOOO many.

First of all, if she would have just kept her mouth shut, NO ONE would have known that this was her. Honestly, if you watch the video, you can't even tell that it's a woman.

Secondly, it drives me nuts that she says, "I usually don't walk and text. I don't do that. I wait til I go home and text." Lady, I don't believe you for one second. And who cares if you walk and text? Everyone does. Not everyone falls in a fountain while they're doing that, but to each her own.

Thirdly, it's maddening that she's trying to sue mall security for not coming to check on her. "Sometimes there's not water in that fountain. I could have been really hurt." Obviously, there was water in that fountain because she was soaking wet. And, obviously, she wasn't hurt because she stood up and walked away. So, just shut up, lady. Laugh it off, lady! She's making it worse by trying to fight this. Now everyone just heartily dislikes her.

Fourthly, she says she would never post a video like this. She would think of the person's feelings. BULL. I'm sure she's done her fair share of posting funny videos on her Facebook wall, or watching America's Funniest Home Videos back in the day. Let's face it: This kind of stuff is HILARIOUS when it's not happening to you!

And, finally: "What would you like people to learn about texting?"

"It's dangerous."

*Blink.*

Nope, being inattentive is dangerous.

So, Cathy, I wish you the best, but you are not handling this in the right way. You should have just stayed at home. And now you have way more problems than just an embarrassing YouTube video.

Let that be a listen to you, hermits and shermits everywhere. Don't leave your house in January.

You've still got a week left in Hermit Month. Make it count!

A (completely fabricated) History of Hermits

What is this National Hermit Month, you may be asking, and how did it all come about? Excellent questions, my friends. Excellent questions, indeed.

The truth is that Hermits and Shermits (she hermits) have been around since the very first January decided to declare its presence with characteristic cold weather and general orneriness. Now, I wasn't there for the inception (BWONG!) of the hermits, but I imagine it happened like this:

*DRAMATIZATION*

Scene: MAN and WOMAN have finished their December holiday partying, and decide it's time to leave their cave for some fresh air. They take a deep breath and take one step out of their cave, when suddenly EVIL JANUARY runs out of the woods and uses his icicle club to bludgeon MAN and WOMAN repeatedly until they have no choice but to limp back into the safety of their cave. EVIL JANUARY laughs maniacally.

The End.

And that was the beginning of fairies. I mean hermits.

So, really, we come by our hermithood naturally. It's perfectly normal for people to want to crawl inside a hole and do nothing but sit in a bubble bath and watch Castle all day, because that's what our ancient ancestors did. (That's right. They had bubble baths and TV in the stone age. Don't let anyone tell you differently.) The next time someone tries to chastise you for being lazy in the month of January, feel free to chastise them for attempting to thwart Mother Nature.

Take THAT, you ambitious, non-hermits.

Well, I've let slip some of my fav hermit activities. What are yours? Anyone?

(If you say World of Warcraft, you shall be stricken from my blog. Also, this is terrifying. Completely unrelated, but terrifying.)

Happy hermit-ing!

GASP!

Oh no! It's National Hermit Month (Julianna's made-up month) and I've missed nearly a third of it!

I am a disgrace to all hermits. Or am I? *Raised eyebrow*

I will have you know that I have been extremely hermitish so far this January--cranky, whiny, depressed, etc. Ha! I have been the best hermit ever!

Actually, I've been distracted by a few things...mainly these adorable guys:

So, maybe I've been a little distracted. BUT FEAR NOT! The hermit-ing will continue.

Let the National Hermit Month Festivities begin!

Mornings. GAH.

I am not a morning person. Have I mentioned this before? Yes. Will I continue to mention it? As long as I have to wake up in the morning, yes.

Are there any other non-morning people who feel my pain--the pain that comes from rolling out of bed before 6 am? I'm betting most of the people reading this feel the same way I do, as a matter of fact. So, here's my question:

If the majority of us are NOT morning people, why is it that we allow morning people to dictate our work/school schedules, hmm? Is it because they get up before we do and beat us to all of the decision-making meetings?

"All those in favor of starting the work day before 10 raise your hands. Hey! It looks like everyone here is in favor of this proposition. That's surprising! I thought for sure that the night people would vote against it."

"Um, sir, we're holding this meeting at 7:30 am. None of the night people made it."

"Ah."

Well, let's not be bullied any longer. I say we decide to start the work day at 10:00 am. None of this starting at 7:00 am stuff. Night people, now is the time to unite. Here is my plan:

First of all, we deprive the morning people of their caffeine. I'm sure they wouldn't be so happy about mornings without their coffee.

Secondly...that's as far as I've gotten. I'll work more on the plan when it's not so early in the morning. And then we will conquer, and the world will be glorious. I mean, if all businesses decided to open at ten, it would be totally cool! We could all get a little more sleep or get a few things done around the house or whatever. Brilliant? Yes. I should rule the world. But only after 10 am.

NO, Katy. NO.

Once upon a time, I mentioned a few people who need a "No Girl"--someone to just say no to their bad ideas. Well, let me add Katy Perry to that list.

There are many times a No Girl would have been helpful for Katy. ("I think I'm going to marry Russell Brand." "No, Katy. No.") But I'm only going to address one.

Have you heard Katy's song Firework? I like it. It's catchy and has a nice message. However, have you seen the Firework music video? No? Behold! (You only need to watch the first minute or so to catch the "No" moment, though the whole video is weird.)



Now, children, can any of you guess which moment requires a no? Choose from one of the following options:

a) Shots of the city
b) Pool party
c) Family fight
d) THAT ONE PART WHERE FIREWORKS START SHOOTING OUT OF HER BOOBS.

Any guesses? D? Is that your final answer?

*Dora the Explorer Voice* VERY GOOD!

Honestly! What is going on? I get the concept--we're all special and have light within us. Yada yada. But is that really the best visual? Fireworks shooting out of our chests? Call me crazy, but I don't find that image very inspiring. To be honest, it reminds me of that scene from Austin Powers where the Go Go Girl Robots have machine guns in their chests....

Sorry. We're getting a little graphic today.

The point is that it's high time I make a business out of this No Girl thing. Everybody needs a No Girl (including me). I could be rich. RICH!

So, who wants to be the first person to hire me? Anyone, anyone? Willow Smith?