I didn't get this kind of quality education in college.

Are you ready for your lesson from the kindergarteners?

Today's topic: Dating

I told the kids to go around the room and pick up imaginary sea shells. We've been talking a lot about the beach lately, mainly because I would rather be on the beach and I would rather live in an imaginary world, even if it means I have to drag several young children with me. :-) Oh, too much information? I'm sorry.

Well, after they found some sea shells, their assignment was to sing about what kind of shell they found. A lot of them mentioned that they found snail shells. (We have a fake snail friend in the class named Shurmy.) Still too much information? Deal with it.

Anyway, this is the conversation that ensued:

Girl #1: (sings) I found Shurmy's girlfriend.

Girl #2: (sings) I found Shurmy's other girlfriend.

Girl #1: (in a "no-you-didn't" sort of tone) Shurmy can't have two girlfriends.

Girl #2: He can have as many girlfriends as he wants!

Girl #1: Well, which one will he marry?

Girl #2: He'll marry mine because she wears jewelry.

Girl #1: Well, mine is rich!


At which point I stepped in and started singing a new song. I didn't want to have a cat fight break out over which imaginary snail girlfriend would be most suitable to marry the imaginary unfaithful snail boyfriend named Shurmy. Maybe I should have taken the time to teach them Carrie Underwood's song Before He Cheats, but I decided to go with something a little more conservative like "Home is Where the Heart Is".

Oh, and the kids decided that Shurmy's girlfriend is named Lily and together they have a baby named JuJu.

I'm learning so much.

So THAT'S why we have them....

Today I taught the kindergarten students about hula dancers.

And they taught me about the female anatomy.

Me: "Today we're going to do a Hawaiian hula dance."

Boy: "But, only girls can be hula dancers because they have humps." (He rubbed his hands on his chest.) "Boys are straight. We don't have humps to hold up the stuff the dancers wear."

It took all of my self-control to not giggle.

If that's the reason girls have "humps", I would not make a very good hula dancer.

ALOHA.

The Good Ol' Days....

Sometimes change is not for the best.

Has anyone had the experience of teaching a bunch of elementary school students lately? Anyone? Ah. Yes, I can tell from your frazzled hair and the twitch in your eye. You, my friend, have walked the hard road and know what it's like. There's nothing like trying to corral a bunch of grubby-handed know-it-all kids while at the same time trying to teach them oodles of information and trick them into thinking it's fun. Oh, and let's not forget that we want to refrain from hurting the self esteem of the poor little kidlets.

Bah. How about we go back to the good ol' paddling system for the wee ones? Remember the "Save the Rod, Spoil the Child" motto? Let's just give them "a few light slams now and then" and send them on their way. Look how well the system works in this picture:



Ah, how sweet. Everyone's smiling! Let's bring it back. Right now. I'm taking a paddle with me to school tomorrow. Or, I'm bringing this guy with me. "Come along, kiddie winkies!"

MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

:-)

(By the way, I actually really do like children. I do, I promise...)