If I you weren't a kind institute teacher, I would kick you.

This was an actual conversation I had with a well-meaning institute teacher the other day:

Teacher: Weren't you engaged a little while ago? Did that fall through?

Me: ...Nope. Pretty sure I wasn't engaged.

Teacher: Oh. You were close, though, right?

Me: Nope. Not even close.

Teacher: Well, you're dating someone now, right?

Me: No

Teacher: Weren't you dating someone fairly recently?

Me: No sir.

Teacher: Oh. *beat* Those boys are just dumb.

Me: See ya!

In my head, I wanted to say, "Thanks for the feel-good conversation. We'll have to have another one of these soon."

The Truth, Unvarnished

(Welcome to my blog, for all of you who might have been searching for Robert via Google search. After you read this post, feel free to go to this one for an update.)

I have to say it.

ROBERT "PATSY" PATTINSON IS NOT ATTRACTIVE!!!


I'm tired of this whole "Robert Pattinson is so sexy" campaign that's going on. I think it's all some evil ploy by Pattinson's marketing campaign to get us to run out and buy magazines and Twilight action figures. In the words of Mugatu, "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" It's time for all of the tweens to wake up and discover that he's just a creepy-looking dude. (If I see him on one more Twilight shirt, so help me....)

I'm sorry if I've destroyed your happy reality, but it must be done.

The Tooth Fairy isn't real, either. SUCKAS!!

Tribute to Goobers Everywhere

The ratio of Goobers to Normal people in a singles' ward is usually highly lopsided in favor of the Goobers. DRAT. Oh well. At least the Goobers do add a special dash of flavor to church activities...much like anchovy juice in Caesar dressing, or mold in cheese. :-) Let's face it, life just wouldn't be the same without the following conversations:

(Just to give you a mental picture, Boy #1--whom we'll refer to as Bill--has a very tall high forehead, thanks to hair loss. He wears glasses and doesn't smile. He talks in a very intense, slightly monotone voice. Think of Dwight Schrute from The Office. He is currently growing a big bushy beard, and when people ask him why he's growing said beard, he replies, in all seriousness, "I'm trying to look like Abraham Lincoln." ...Okay.... Boy #2, John, is pretty normal.)

Anyway, here's the conversation between Bill and John. John decided to complement Bill's maroon and gold tie.

John: I like your tie. It reminds me of Harry Potter.

Bill: (In his intense voice) What possible reasons would I have for wearing this tie?

John: Ummmm...

Bill: Reason #1--I look like Harry Potter. Reason #2--I attended the midnight release of the final Harry Potter book. Reason #3--These are the Gryffindor colors, and that's the house for which I would be selected. I also own the Slytherin tie.

John: Oh.


Ha ha. Taren overheard this conversation at one of our first ward functions, and it cracks me up to this day. These are the types of people who surround us, and will most likely be the only guys with enough gumption to ask us out on dates.



And people wonder why I'm not married? Hmmmmmm....

Show tonight!

I thought I should put in a shameless plug for Waking Erin, my Celtic band! (Well, technically, it is not my band in the slightest. It's just a lot easier to say that than "the Celtic band with which I play". Anyway....) We have a show tonight, so feel free to come! Or, if you can't come, think good thoughts.

FIRE! (You'll eat a muffin. You'll eat a muffin and LIKE IT!)

(For those of you who don't get the above reference, please feel free to check out this lovely bit of YouTube fun. I don't know why it makes me laugh so hard....)

I've decided acid reflux is LAME. I keep thinking that it will magically just go away, but no such luck. Sure, I guess I could actually follow the doctor's advice and stop eating all those fire-in-the-chest-causing foods, (aka anything that is tasty) but let's be realistic. Do you really think I can give up chocolate?

*Jules blinks.*

Really?

I didn't think so.

So, I'm trying something new: Apple Cider Vinegar. Apparently, this stuff is really supposed to help. I'm skeptical. Plus, it's nasty. Will it still work if I hide it in chocolate? Hmmmm....

Is anyone else hungry for muffins?