Sometimes a person must return to her roots, and that's what today is all about--returning to the core values upon which A Hermit's Ranting Tantrum was built. So, let's get started with some good old-fashioned ranting.
Today's Rant: The Generation of Weaklings
Even though I like to call myself a hermit, I'm not a real one. I, unfortunately, have to exit my cave every day and associate with other members of the human race. I assume that you are like me. (If not, I'm impressed that you found a cave that can support an internet connection.) Since you, like me, are out there spending time among the general public, you may have noticed something: We belong to a species of whiners.
I wonder if the ancient creators of language would be proud of the way we use their invention. When Orgthag first decided to point at a rock and say, "UGG!"* I don't think he was aware that he had created a wonderful tool that would enable humans to communicate with each other and, most importantly, bitch about how slowly that cat video is loading on our iPhone. * UGG may not have been the first word created.
But how could Orgthag have known about the sorts of things we would be dealing with in the 2000s? Sure, he had to hunt for his food, kill it, skin it, and eat it raw (if it were a good day). But come on! We have to wait in the drive-thru for FIFTEEN MINUTES sometimes, just to get a burger. Orgthag had to battle creatures and elements, just to maintain his base existence. That may have been slightly inconvenient, but did Orgthag ever have to get up off the couch and change the temperature on the thermostat? No. Did he ever have to call the power company or the cable company and sit on hold, just so he could see more characters get killed off on Game of Thrones? No! Orgthag had it easy.
Still, even though Orgthag didn't have to deal with the Netflix disaster of 2011 and therefore doesn't understand the depths of suffering to which we modern humans are subjected, we can still commend him for his lack of whining. I'm sure Orgthag was a little too busy not getting killed in order to even form whiny sentences, and that is completely respectable.
As I have worked as a teacher, I have often wished for a saber-tooth tiger or woolly mammoth or, heck, even a caveman club to use as a defense against whiners. Oh, I'm sorry. You don't feel like you should have to write a one page, double-spaced report? Is that too hard for you? Well, let's see what Mr. Jaws of Death Prehistoric Cat has to say. (Sounds of roaring.) What did you just say? The report won't be a problem? That's what I thought.
Ah, wouldn't that be nice? Unfortunately, there are no saber tooths available at this moment in time (unless this whole de-extinction thing actually works out). The whole caveman club option is out, seeing as how teachers can't even paddle kids any more. Heck, they can't even hurt kids' self esteem any more! So, it's no wonder that whining, which used to be a trait most associated with small children, has now become just another communication tool for adults everywhere.
How do we combat this whining dilemma? I guess we could all start by putting on our big boy and big girl boots and just learning how to work hard. We could get rid of this whole entitled attitude and just deal with life. As my friend and fellow teacher used to say, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." Or we could just wait for the inevitable apocalypse, when we will get to live life just like Orgthag did--sans Google and drive-thru windows. Hopefully, most of the whiners will get killed, and everybody else will just learn how to be productive humans again. Here is an image of of what we might possibly look like, based on the research I've done (and by research, I mean watching post-apocalyptic movies and plays):
1 comments:
I won't mind the Apocalypse so much if this is the standard issue suit. But I waaannt one noooowwww.
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