Short Letters to Inanimate Objects

Dear Dove "Go Fresh" Burst White Nectarine and Ginger Bodywash,

I'll be honest. When I first saw you, I had my doubts. That name is such a tongue-twister, and I have a hard time trusting soap that requires seven descriptive words. That all changed, though, when I got to know you. You smell delicious. I know I've only just met you, but I may have fallen in love. I hope my passionate declaration doesn't scare you off. I would hate for you to run out on me. (Ba doom ching!) See you in the shower tomorrow!


--Jules

Dear Recipe for Really Yummy Chocolate Chip Cookies,

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE? I have always wanted a recipe for the yummiest, gooiest chocolate chip cookies ever, and suddenly you appear. Sure, it's true that you contain a whole pound of butter, but I don't care. You just made my week.

--Jules

Dear Cold,

Shove it.

--Jules